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6 bands to 9 bands in IELTS essay writing

It is much easier to achieve a 6-band score in IELTS, do this try these easy steps to convert your essay to a 9-band essay.

The following essay is worth 6-bands:

The invention of social media has been the second-best innovation after the internet. Social media has built bridges to exchange information at a fast pace and to connect a lot of people who live at a distance from their loved ones. There have been both positive and negative impacts of it. This essay will shed some light on both aspects.

To begin with the positive aspects, the most beneficial outcome of social media is the ease of communicating with anyone from any corner of the world and sharing information with them. For example, if a person wants to go on a solo trip but they are scared of being on their own, they can feel safe by being connected virtually with their friends or family. A study conducted by the world health organisation found that people who use social media were 40% lesser physically fit than those who do not use it.

To proceed with the flip side of social media, the biggest drawback related to social media is that more and more people are getting addicted to their phones to stay connected with the world but they ignore the presence of those who are physical with them. For example, it is common to see people staying busy on their phones during family dinners and events. This can badly impact the relationship with family and loved ones. According to a survey done by a university, 70 per cent of people found that social media hampers their personal relationships.

To conclude, social media is a powerful weapon to make our life easier but it should be used in moderation to maximize its benefits.

Let's make a few changes to the essay to make it more scoring:

  1. Vocabulary: Change a few words to advanced vocabulary alternatives to enhance expression and coherence.

  2. Specific Examples: Include concrete examples and statistics to support the arguments in both body paragraphs.

  3. Sentence Structures: Improv sentence structures for clarity and coherence.

  4. Balance of Perspectives: Ensured that both positive and negative aspects of social media were discussed in a balanced manner.

  5. Word Count: Adjust the essay to be within the required word limit (250 words) for the IELTS Writing Task 2

The following essay includes the above improvements:

In this digital age, the advent of social media stands as one of the most transformative innovations after the internet. Social media platforms have revolutionized communication and connectivity, facilitating the exchange of information across geographical boundaries. While the impact of social media on society has been profound, it elicits both positive and negative consequences. This essay explores the multifaceted aspects of social media and its implications on individuals and communities.

One of the most significant advantages of social media lies in its ability to foster global connections and break barriers of distance. People can now effortlessly communicate with friends, family, and colleagues across the globe, bridging the gap created by physical separation. For instance, a solo traveler can maintain a sense of security and companionship by staying connected virtually with loved ones. Moreover, social media serves as an indispensable tool for sharing information and raising awareness about social issues, leading to positive societal changes. Studies by reputable organizations, such as the World Health Organization, have shown that social media users are more aware of health-related concerns and preventive measures, contributing to a healthier populace.

Conversely, the pervasive presence of social media has brought forth several challenges. One concerning issue is the rise of social media addiction, where individuals become excessively engrossed in their virtual lives, neglecting real-life interactions. This phenomenon, known as "phubbing," has adverse effects on personal relationships and can lead to feelings of isolation and detachment. During family gatherings or social events, it is commonplace to witness people immersed in their phones, disconnected from their immediate surroundings. A study conducted by a reputable university found that nearly 70 percent of respondents felt that excessive social media usage had negatively impacted their personal relationships, emphasizing the pressing need for moderation.

In conclusion, the impact of social media on society is undeniably profound, with both beneficial and detrimental effects. While social media has revolutionized communication and facilitated global connections, it has also given rise to challenges, such as addiction and detachment from real-life interactions. To harness the potential of social media for the greater good, individuals must exercise moderation and strike a balance between their virtual and physical worlds. By doing so, we can unlock the true power of social media as a force for positive change and connectivity in an increasingly interconnected world.

The essay has been improved by incorporating stronger vocabulary, more specific examples, and clearer sentence structures. It presents balanced perspectives and addresses the topic comprehensively. However, it's essential to remember that achieving a Band 9 requires consistently high-level language proficiency, impeccable grammar, and flawless essay construction.

For more lessons like this, sign up with Illustre and embark on your IELTS journey.

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